Conflict resolution in early childhood education.

Nia House Parent Meeting April 17, 2024

Purpose of the meeting: to understand how and why conflicts arise in early education8 and to embrace resolution and prevention with greater understanding and the utmost compassion and sensitivity for all children. Conflict is a growing tool!
What is bullying?

Bullying is a planned activity that requires a degree of planning that preschool aged children are not yet capable of.

Not all acts of aggression are bullying.

For example, young children think name rhyming is funny, and it can be considered part of their appropriate banter, when it’s consensual. Children also benefit from physical, sometimes rough, connection, and that can also be considered part of appropriate play, when it’s consensual. Young children are discovering the structure of social relationships and looking to belong. Early childhood is the time to explore the limits and boundaries of relationships and consent, especially while support from loving adults is present.

What types of aggressive behaviors do young children exhibit? (parent brainstorm)

pushing
hair pulling
biting
grabbing
unkind words
exclusion “You’re not coming to my birthday party”
threatening
door slamming

Repetitive aggression or conflict hold developmental purpose.

Just as young children need to repeat using a spoon and counting to 100, before they get it mastered, they also need to repeat conflict resolution skills, which means repeating an aggressive behavior is developmentally appropriate. We as parents/teachers can define boundaries/set limits to minimize harm and demonstrate/encourage appropriate behaviors.

While at Nia House, there are many opportunities for repeating boundary setting and repair work, and the big implication is: conflicts can be resolved/ you know what you like and you need/ you can repair if you make a mistake (or hurt someone’s feelings or body).

Neuro-science supports that children 1-6 year-old are in sensitive periods of development for:

Impulse control
Social
Communication
Recognizing similarities and differences (visual and auditory discrimination)
Repetition
Physical
Need for belonging and community
Children develop social‐emotional skills with increasing complexity from birth onwards

“Establishing lasting peace is the work of education.” Dr. Maria Montessori

Nia House believes that experiencing conflict and the tools for repair will help to create a generation of future world leaders. We expect that early education will have lasting impact on how children interact as humans throughout their lives. Thus, teachers model language of care and repair through each part of the day- offering language to express needs and to solve problems.

Examples of setting limits with children:

Ouch! I do not like that.
We don’t push people, but you can push this truck.
I like it when you ask before touching me/my work/etc.
Before you touch, you can ask, ‘May I have a turn’

Steps of resolution and repair:

Model “checking in” ”Are you ok?”
Acknowledge the mistake “Ouch. That hurts. You were hit by the shovel.”
State the needs “You can ask your friend to have gentle hands/wait until I am done/or get an ice pask.”
Provide care
State future actions: “Next time I will...” :I’m Sorry” is not the cure or the solution.

Questions we (adults) ask when we see aggressive interactions?

“Ouch!”
“Is everything ok”
“Are you enjoying that game?”
“Do you need any help? Or How can I help?
“Are you hurt? Do you need a hug?”
Exclamation/ observation: Example- child hits - Ouch! Oh my! Wow- would you like to offer a high-5? Example, child grabs- Did you want to ask, may I work with you ?

What should I do to help my child?

Respond vs. React - ask a question rather than offer a judgment. Offer authoritative leadership- defined as thoughtful, deliberate, collaborative, responsive (not reactive).
Ask yourself - what is the unmet need? Is it attention, request, what skill is needed/ what is this behavior telling us (adults)?
Advocate for your child. Talk to your school teachers or leaders to learn more about your child’s needs and development.
When someone is hurt- we wait and watch- see if another child is helping and affirm that we notice and support their process of helping.